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Survivor to Survivor Series - Friendship and Isolation

𝗙𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

I just finished our wonderful Paul's BIHN meeting and a theme that came up was isolation and making and keeping new friends. How do we explain our brain injury and allow people to see/interact with us and accept our limitations.
 
I thought I'd share a recent experience I had with an old friend. We were friends / acquaintances for over 10 year and connected through horses, but I hadn't seen her in 6 years. She knew me after my head injury. I was very high functioning back then and I would force myself to do anything and everything. No matter how I felt. I worked a full time job on afternoon shifts, ran my horse farm, and had my English mastiff breeding program. So I was an exhausted brain injury survivor who wouldn't accept my limitations. Until I crashed and had to re-evaluate my life.
 
I reconnected with this friend last year after leaving a toxic relationship and she helped me find an old farmhouse to rent that would accept my big dogs. I was so excited to be starting fresh and have a friend in the process just around the corner. The farmhouse needed a lot of work and I was hesitant to take it but she assured me she would help me make it a home. So I leased the farmhouse and moved in. The first week was fun and exciting. I was running on adrenaline during the day and hurting badly at night but I kept my thoughts to myself. I was going to be who she remembered. The girl who was a goer and hard worker.
That didn't last. I crashed again. 
 
Once I started to fall on my face she became very degrading and made me feel bad about my TBI. At first I ignored her comments and eye rolls every time I mentioned I was struggling. She felt and said I used to be able to do it, I was just being lazy. So I tried to calmly talk to her about how my TBI had changed over the years and the stress of a toxic relationship made me sicker. That didn't work! So I found some online information and emailed it to her. 
That slowed down the nasty comments for a while but eventually I had to make the decision that I could not have her in my life. She would not accept my reality nor was she willing to help me unless I could keep up with her. That left me in a place of isolation as I had moved 4 hours away from my family and understanding friends. To make matters worse my truck broke down and wasn't worth fixing. So I've been confined to the house and property. Thank goodness for my dogs.
 
But it was a good lesson I needed to experience. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗜'𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲, 𝗜'𝗺 𝗮 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱. I gained through this experience that not everyone is going to accept or understand us and that's okay. I also learned to set new boundaries with these types of people and create my own life as I wanted it to be. The isolation feeling has lessened as I take control of my days and take care of myself. 
 
Truthfully BIHN has been a big part of that change in my life. I see all your faces and I know you understand. I feel your joy, struggles and pain. It's genuine love in the groups. I relate and learn so much from every meeting. It has been a game changer for me. My circle is small (but getting bigger because of all of you) but it's a community of hope, caring and sharing. We are a great community/friends even if we live countries or miles apart. 
 
 
More About Susan
Susan Gallant is a Canadian survivor who sustained a severe traumatic brain injury in February 2011 after a horseback riding accident that caused extensive facial fractures and a serious head injury. Before her injury, she was a successful real estate agent who thrived in a fast paced, socially connected career. Today Susan lives on a one-hundred-acre farm in rural Ontario, where she raises and shows English Mastiffs. With more than fifteen years of lived experience, she brings insight, compassion, and encouragement to the BIHN community while supporting others on their recovery journeys.
 
About Survivor To Survivor
Survivor To Survivor is an ongoing series by BIHN volunteer Susan Gallant. In this series, Susan shares reflections from her life as a brain injury survivor, offering readers an honest look at recovery through the eyes of someone who has lived it. Her writing explores the challenges and personal growth that can follow a traumatic brain injury, while encouraging others in the brain injury community to feel seen, understood, and supported.

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