BIHN Blog

  Susan Gallant, a brain injury survivor and BIHN volunteer, submitted this article for publication. Early on after my own injury, I struggled with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, and I am grateful that I am still here.   If you have a moment, I encourage you to read Susan’s article. It is as real and honest as it gets. If you feel moved, take a moment to show Susan some love in the comments. That is what we do here. We support and encourage each other.   ~D     ===============   𝗔𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗗 𝗧𝗢 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗨𝗦𝗦   I think about no longer wanting to be present in this place right now. I am experiencing a dreadful day, which commenced at 3 AM when I awoke.   I managed to do a group meeting, after which I felt the need to lie down for a while, as I had nothing left to contribute to the day. I intended to rest for only 30 minutes. However, I awoke two hours later, feeling as though I had been struck by a bus, and I desire to escape this world. ...

Have you ever tried canceling a holiday? I highly recommend it. Since I have had a traumatic brain injury, I have spent most of the major holidays in bed. A common, though often misunderstood, side effect of a brain injury is neural fatigue. It can leave the brain and body sick with exhaustion. All of this is to say that, frankly, the holidays can suck. The combination of stress, travel, and interacting with people tends to leave me completely drained. This can happen to me several times a year, but always around the holidays. In eight years, I had never made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve without spending at least one of them sick from exhaustion. It happens so often that my husband and I started working it into our holiday schedule, warning people that all plans were tentative. It's a tough position to leave your loved ones in and may often leave them confused. I have feared that people see me as fickle, cancelling events if we don’t feel like go...

𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗼 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘛𝘰 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘉𝘐𝘏𝘕 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘚𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥.     𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗪𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗜𝗡 𝗕𝗜𝗛𝗡 I find that waking up each day after a brain injury can feel like throwing the dice to see what you get. Is it going to be a good TBI day or a difficult TBI day? Some mornings I wake up with panic attacks or very negative thoughts.   This past Saturday I woke up at 3 a.m. and didn’t sleep well. I was a mess. I tried using the tools I’ve learned over the years, but I just couldn’t seem to calm myself down. I felt like I was spiraling downward and knew I needed to reach out for help.   The first person I thought of who w...

  𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗼 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘛𝘰 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘉𝘐𝘏𝘕 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘚𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥. ========================== 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗔𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝘀 𝗨𝘀 𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗜𝗻𝗷𝘂𝗿𝘆 As I sit here writing this, I find myself ruminating over some upcoming changes that are producing a great deal of anxiety. The strange thing is, it’s a good change. As some of you know, I have been living alone on a 100-acre farm in the middle of nowhere without a vehicle for over three months. Recently, I may have found a good vehicle. Something that should be exciting and positive has instead brought on feelings of panic, pressure, anxiety, and overthinking. It all feels overwhelming. I ke...

 𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 Acceptance is a big challenge for me. Truthfully, after my accident, 𝗜 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝘆𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗼𝗺𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁. Even though I was told I probably had a brain injury and should contact the Head Trauma after release from the hospital to investigate more, I wanted nothing to do with it. I felt like myself, just with physical issues. It's funny how the mind tries to shelter you from the reality of the injury. I was one of the lucky ones and was cared for by my parents in their home to help me after my release from the hospital. Even my brother from another province came rushing home to see me. I felt like I survived and just needed to fix the physical injuries and I would be fine. Even though I was having TBI symptoms, I'd blame the physical issues.   When I was released, I was told that I couldn't work and needed about a year off to start to heal...

 David A. Grant shares his newest Brainline Article...  Life After Brain Injury — An Unexpected Outcome March is Brain Injury Awareness Month, my 16th as a brain injury survivor. My social news feed and LinkedIn updates are overflowing with posts, comments, graphics, and other content by others acknowledging and actively participating in this month long event. Years ago, in my youthful naivete as a brain injury survivor, I assumed that the national mainstream media spotlight would shine brightly on those affected by brain injury. While there may be media coverage outside of those within the brain injury community, it’s largely a siloed happening. Step outside of the brain injury community, and you’ll hear a whole lot of crickets. This is neither good nor bad, it just is. Looking back on my own life, until my life became defined by brain injury, I had never heard of Brain Injury Awareness Month. Started in 1980 by the National Head Injury Foundation (which later bec...

𝗙𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜𝘀𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 I just finished our wonderful Paul's BIHN meeting and a theme that came up was isolation and making and keeping new friends. How do we explain our brain injury and allow people to see/interact with us and accept our limitations.   I thought I'd share a recent experience I had with an old friend. We were friends / acquaintances for over 10 year and connected through horses, but I hadn't seen her in 6 years. She knew me after my head injury. I was very high functioning back then and I would force myself to do anything and everything. No matter how I felt. I worked a full time job on afternoon shifts, ran my horse farm, and had my English mastiff breeding program. So I was an exhausted brain injury survivor who wouldn't accept my limitations. Until I crashed and had to re-evaluate my life.   I reconnected with this friend last year after leaving a toxic relationship and she helped me find an old farmhouse to rent that would a...