BIHN Blog

Have you ever been taken advantage of because of your disability? Have you ever found yourself in a vulnerable situation and not known where to turn for help? This article is difficult for me to write, but I believe it is an important conversation for our community. Personal relationships can be challenging after a traumatic brain injury (TBI). While we often talk about recovery, symptoms, accommodations, and support, we talk far less about vulnerability. Yet vulnerability is something many of us face every day. Over the past several years, I found myself in a relationship that gradually became unhealthy. Looking back, I can now see warning signs that I either missed or explained away. What began as a supportive and caring partnership slowly evolved into a situation where criticism, control, and financial decisions increasingly worked against my best interests. At the time, I believed I was making reasonable choices based on trust. Like many survivors, I wanted to believe the best in s...

I hit a milestone the other day. It was a major win. It is probably my first major win since the accident eight years ago. Most of the medical community agrees that major improvements don't occur over five years out for a traumatic brain injury survivor. But maybe they don't know what the definition of improvement is. We were pretty excited when we arrived. Things were looking good. It hadn’t rained on the drive, so a migraine hadn’t started behind my eyes. No traffic jams, either, so only minor nausea. There was a disabled parking spot in the closest lot. Friendly volunteers stood outside giving people directions. My husband immediately jumped out of the truck. I sat tight, knowing this was just the beginning. I watched as he scouted the sidewalk and the building entrance, eventually disappearing inside. I knew he was looking for the shortest, simplest route. And checking the stairs versus the elevator. Elevators are nice but very much a gamble. They can stop on every floo...

Before April 7th, 2018, I had what I would describe as a settled, secure, and purposeful life. I was working with the Australian Border Force at the APS6 level, a senior role that required independent thinking, leadership, and accountability. I wrote operational plans, directed officers in the field, and was trusted to make decisions in complex environments. I had a career. I had structure. I had certainty about who I was and where I was going. And then, in a single moment, all of that disappeared. On that day, I was out cycling on a public road when I collided with a car and sustained a severe diffuse axonal traumatic brain injury. I have no memory of the accident itself. What I do remember is waking up from an induced coma in Flinders Hospital with no understanding of where I was, what had happened, or even who I was meant to be in that moment.    I remember feeling overwhelmingly hot, confused, and terrified. I was trying to pull tubes and sensors off my body, not unde...

I am going to use two words that I have never connected to my traumatic brain injury: game changer.   About a year ago I began treatment for my traumatic brain injury in a new facility. My neurologist had recently retired, and I had spent almost a year unsuccessfully trying to find a new one. She had been with me since the car accident. A few years in, however, she confessed that the complexity of my case had outreached her. My recovery had slowed to a crawl, and then a stop. I was desperate, and almost without hope. After several months of pestering everyone on my care team for possible leads, I moved on to pestering my friends. One friend (a stroke survivor) contacted her neurologist. He put me in touch with a physiatrist at the Neuroscience Center in Minnesota, where we lived. A physiatrist is trained to use a holistic viewpoint to consider how all of the body systems connect and affect each other. She was considered a specialist in TBIs. At my first appointment, my husband ...

  Susan Gallant, a brain injury survivor and BIHN volunteer, submitted this article for publication. Early on after my own injury, I struggled with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis, and I am grateful that I am still here.   If you have a moment, I encourage you to read Susan’s article. It is as real and honest as it gets. If you feel moved, take a moment to show Susan some love in the comments. That is what we do here. We support and encourage each other.   ~D     ===============   𝗔𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗗 𝗧𝗢 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗨𝗦𝗦   I think about no longer wanting to be present in this place right now. I am experiencing a dreadful day, which commenced at 3 AM when I awoke.   I managed to do a group meeting, after which I felt the need to lie down for a while, as I had nothing left to contribute to the day. I intended to rest for only 30 minutes. However, I awoke two hours later, feeling as though I had been struck by a bus, and I desire to escape this world. ...

Have you ever tried canceling a holiday? I highly recommend it. Since I have had a traumatic brain injury, I have spent most of the major holidays in bed. A common, though often misunderstood, side effect of a brain injury is neural fatigue. It can leave the brain and body sick with exhaustion. All of this is to say that, frankly, the holidays can suck. The combination of stress, travel, and interacting with people tends to leave me completely drained. This can happen to me several times a year, but always around the holidays. In eight years, I had never made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve without spending at least one of them sick from exhaustion. It happens so often that my husband and I started working it into our holiday schedule, warning people that all plans were tentative. It's a tough position to leave your loved ones in and may often leave them confused. I have feared that people see me as fickle, cancelling events if we don’t feel like go...

𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗼 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗼𝗿 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘛𝘰 𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘉𝘐𝘏𝘕 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘚𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯 𝘎𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘺, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥.     𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗪𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗜𝗡 𝗕𝗜𝗛𝗡 I find that waking up each day after a brain injury can feel like throwing the dice to see what you get. Is it going to be a good TBI day or a difficult TBI day? Some mornings I wake up with panic attacks or very negative thoughts.   This past Saturday I woke up at 3 a.m. and didn’t sleep well. I was a mess. I tried using the tools I’ve learned over the years, but I just couldn’t seem to calm myself down. I felt like I was spiraling downward and knew I needed to reach out for help.   The first person I thought of who w...